Confidante
by NotAContrivance
Summary: Just something stupid I wrote at three in the morning in the dark.


Immediately after I wrote this, I wondered if I should post it. I decided, no, it was bad and no one likes the pairing in it… (Which is rather weird, not that no one likes the pairing, because I understand that… Heck, I don't even like the pairing and I wrote this) Anyways, it was like three in the morning when I wrote this, and it's prolly stupid and whatnot, but I figured, what the hey…

I wrote this before Boone, well, you know, by the way. I don't own LOST. I mean, do I look like J.J. Abrams? (I sure hope not… I mean, I'm a girl) Anyways…

The pairings are… Well, Kate/Boone, Kate/Jack, Kate/Sawyer… Some other briefly mentioned/implied ones and what not… I figured, what do I have to lose… I mean, I find it incredibly weird that no one on the island's really hooking up and what not. I mean, sure, they're trying to survive, but are they trying to live? I think I heard something like that in a promo… Or something.

I dunno, I figured, hey, if Boone can keep the plane thing and the Shannon thing a secret, then why wouldn't he be able to keep Kate's secrets? Anyways, ugh, I feel stupid…

* * *

He was cute. She'd pay him that compliment. And the time he'd spent hunting with Locke had certainly paid off.

He was wholesome, too. It was funny.

Here she was, the island criminal, with the island do-gooder. To anyone who didn't know them, they looked like brother and sister. The coloring was right… Brown hair, tanned skin, blue eyes, good features.

His sister, however, was a blonde.

And he hated her. His sister, that is. But he didn't really.

Kate wasn't stupid. She could see through him so easily. He wore his heart on his sleeves in a way she couldn't even comprehend.

No one else on the island did this.

Not Jack, who had little time for emotions. Not Sawyer, who forced everyone to hate him. Not Sayid, the battle-hardened soldier. Not the enigmatic Locke, who somehow knew everything. Not the cold, calculating, manipulative Shannon.

Neither of the Koreans.

Not even Charlie, Claire, Hurley, Walt, and Michael, the more easy-going of the survivors, truly did this. They all had their own dark secrets buried under the surface, waiting to burst forth.

And most of all, her.

But Boone was different.

Truthfully, she could've had any man on the island. Not that she thought about those kinds of things anyways.

She did though.

But Jin was married, and he seemed a bit mentally unhinged. Locke was far too old and too… creepy. She found herself not trusting him whatsoever. Charlie was already besotted with Claire. Sayid had a bit of a thing with Shannon now, not to mention the soft spot he held for the Frenchwoman. Hurley was far too easy-going for her, and Kate seriously doubted that Michael would want Walt around her.

Which left Jack and Sawyer, of course.

But Sawyer wanted her to hate him. He hated himself.

He, of course, would've theoretically been perfect for an affair.

However, being Sawyer, she couldn't have an affair with him. For several reasons, actually. For one, he got jealous and was rather frightening when he was angry. For another, he had a big mouth and loved to criticize, brag, and talk. Aside from his issues with himself, he was exactly the kind of man Kate didn't need.

Sawyer was a criminal, just like her. He wasn't open at all, either. And she doubted that he trusted her. She didn't even know his first name, after all.

But she had her own, confusing, tumultuous emotions towards the sarcastic Southerner nonetheless.

And then there was Jack.

Truthfully, she cared about Jack a great deal. She knew he liked her too.

But, for some reason, he was hesitant about showing her these feelings, and telling her much of anything.

For some reason, he shied away from her. She suspected that there were past issues somewhere entangled with this.

Or maybe it was because he didn't completely trust her yet.

And he wouldn't until she'd told him exactly what she'd done, which would take a while.

Not to mention that he had the added stigma of being the doctor, which meant that he was usually terribly busy. Like she said, she didn't want to be Eve.

Kate liked the freedom the beaches offered. Going to the caves would be admitting defeat. She wouldn't be able to move around much. She wouldn't be able to keep up this running that she'd done for so long.

Going to the caves would be like going to prison. A holding cell until they were rescued.

But staying on the beach made her an easy target, and failed to give her the security the caves provided. Plus, when the rescue boats came, she would have no chance to run.

It was a double-edged sword, she thought.

But she couldn't help but think that she couldn't do _this_ at the cave.

She couldn't run around, having affairs with lifeguards young enough to be her little brother. She couldn't be a minx and flirt endlessly with Jack and let Sawyer hit on her while sleeping with Boone when they weren't looking.

She couldn't choose to go swimming with Sawyer. She couldn't choose to stitch up Jack's side. She couldn't choose to go gallivanting off in the jungle to rescue Charlie. She couldn't choose to go on expeditions in the hills with Sayid. She couldn't choose to garden with Sun. She couldn't choose to sort through clothes with Claire. She couldn't choose to go tracking with Locke. She couldn't choose to help Michael with his raft. She couldn't choose to play Frisbee with Walt and Vincent. She couldn't choose to golf with Hurley. She couldn't choose to tan with Shannon. She couldn't choose to get water or fruit for the tribe.

She couldn't do any of those things at the cave.

But she sure could here.

It was sad really. She was using him. He was using her. These flings weren't right, and she worried about getting pregnant here on this "Craphole Island".

They did help them both with the tension, she thought. They were frivolous and not at all serious. Not serious as any other relationship would be.

Because he wasn't Locke's Boyfriend, no, not at all. And she wasn't Jack's Eve or Sawyer's Jezebel. She was just Kate. She wasn't The Convict. She wasn't The Doctor's Girlfriend or The Criminal's Squeeze. And he wasn't Shannon's Brother or The Do-Gooder or The Wannabee Hunter or Locke's Life Partner.

Neither of them needed to explain anything to each other, but they found themselves telling each other all sorts of things. Little things, big things, stupid things, important things.

And, suddenly, he knew the truth about her past, and she knew his. He knew about the robbery, she knew about his tryst with his step-sister. He was kind, and he didn't judge. She was wicked, and she didn't either.

She couldn't judge, being who she was. And so she told him all the things she could never tell Jack, because he was her secret, and she knew he could be trusted with the truth. The secrets poured out of him about the extent of his feelings for Shannon, their roots, his childhood. She accepted it all because she could understand. She was his secret too.

But they weren't in love. They just rolled around in the dirt together. A lot. And if they happened to talk while they were doing it, then so what?

What happened in the jungle stayed in the jungle.

They were barely friends, yet they knew everything about each other.

And, somehow, in someway, they were both okay with that.

They were okay with this physical affair. Both of their hearts were already tied up as it was anyways. It killed him to see Shannon with Sayid.

And Kate could get that.

After all, she needed to move on too, didn't she?

Boone was good, sweet, and kind.

He didn't have to rescue her at all. He couldn't rescue her. She didn't need it.

Kate supposed that that was refreshing.

Change always was.

But neither wanted more and neither pushed. But neither told anyone.

It was a half-assed attempt, but for now, it would do.

The gritty feeling of sand against her skin, however, she could do without.

Loren ;

Okay, I'm just going to post this before I talk myself out of it.


End file.
